You Do NOT Fuck With This Dude's Elephants

Tony Jaa from the movie The Protector:



This continuous shot took like 5 takes, and the first one they had to stop like 2/3rds of the way through because the guy carrying the steadycam couldn't keep up.

And this is the scene where he gets really pissed and just starts breaking shit:

Fazz Jest

The Jazz Fest block schedules are up and I'm more excited than a pedophile at a swim meet. Let's make a preliminary plan:

(First) Friday April 25th – There’s always two bands you want to see playing at the same time, and that trend continues with Leo Nocentelli’s super group at Congo Square competing with Robert Plant & Allison Krauss on the Acura stage. A dilemma to be sure, followed closely by Burning Spear on the Congo Square stage with Ozomatli w/ Chali 2na on the lawn over at the Gentilly Stage. Late Night: Dumpstafunk at Howlin’ Wolf

(First) Saturday April 26th – Piano day: Jon Cleary > Dr. John > Billy Joel, all at Acura Stage, get a spot and post up. Late Night: Bonerama at the Maple Leaf

(First) Sunday April 27th – This is going to involve some leg work, but I think I can get from Irma Thomas at the Acura stage all the way over the Fais Do Do for some Del McCoury roots music, swing by the Gentilly Stage for some Allen Toussaint and Elvis Costello, all the way back to the Acura to catch maybe five minutes of Tim McGraw for research purposes, then settle in for the duration at Congo Square with Al Mother Fucking Green. School Night.

Wednesday April 30th – Soulive at One Eyed Jacks.

Thursday May 1st – Widespread on the Acura stage, preceded by PBS and Bonerama, probably another get there and post up day. Late Night: Sam Bush and Trombone Shorty at Tips or maybe Rebirth and Page McConnell at some place called the Sugar Mill.

(Second) Friday May 2nd – Another competeing problem with Stevie Wonder on the Acura stage and Franti at Congo Square. On the surface this is a no-brainer but I’ve seen Franti outdoors and in, and the former is way better. But when am I ever goiong to get the chance to Stevie Wonder again? Probably never. Late Night: Soul Rebels at the Balcony Club or possibly Gov’t Mule at the CAC.

(Second) Saturday May 3rd – I’ve never been a huge Jimmy Buffet fan, so I can skip him and choose between Diana Krall on the lawn, Steel Pulse at Congo Square, Irvin Mayfield in the Jazz tent or (most likely) Kenny Wayne Shepard in the Jazz Tent. Late Night: Franti and Greyboy Allstars at Tips.

(Second) Sunday May 4th – More competition, but as much as I would like to see the Raconteurs (as much as I make fun of him, Jack White is as incredible musician) I think Santana is going to have to take precedence, then Derek Trucks at the Blues tent for a little while before rolling back to Acura for the Neville Brothers. Late Night: collapse in total exhaustion.

More Saints Rumors

I've been kinda busy/lazy of late but here's a few Pro Football Talk rumors that have me salivating but are probably never gonna happen.

1) Pac Man Jones- The subject of many a joke, Tennessee Corner Back Adam Pacman Jones (Pacman because he gobbles up balls, I guess) sat out the 2007 season for off the field issues involving strippers, a paralyzed bouncer, and Nelly. He was scheduled at one point to make an appearence as a professional wrestler, but the Titans decided that would be breach of contract. Although a bulk of the rumors have him going to the Cowboys, Pacman is an elite corner, of which the Saints are in dire need. He also proved himself as an elite kick returner, which Reggie Bush has not. As far as I can tell his only downside is that he's young, rich and loves strippers, which when you think about it, makes him a pretty likable guy. Getting Pacman for a conditional second round draft pick would be a steal.



2) Jeremy Shockey- Former UMiami standout TE and current broken legged Giant Jeremy Shockey is supposedly on the market, and is one of the top ten athletes in the league at his position. For those not familiar with the way the end of last season played out, you may be interested to know why the Giants would be so interested in getting rid of such a player. The answer is, as soon as Shockey broke his leg the team started playing better and went on to win the Super Bowl. Shockey is a brat who whines if he doesn't get his looks, and has a tendency to cause unrest amongst the troops. Supposedly, the Giants want too much in return for Shockey which doesn't seem hard to me because I wouldn't trade my third string left tackle for him.

Overheard Quote of the Century

"Am I old or something? Isn't it... taboo/or whatever to wear the shirt of the band who's show you're at? Have these... children ever seen PCU?

diePhone and the Fuzz

As much as it pains me to say it, the iPhone sucks. I was an early iPhone adopter, with an excuse. At the time the iPhone came out I was living with a Cell Phone and an MP3 player that had broken screens, but I had been using them both for long enough when their screens broke, that they were still fairly useful (assuming the person I was sending a text message to knew that I had no screen and therefore was relying solely on T9 to get the right word.) My other excuse was that the day the iPhone went on sale, I was 8 days deep into a construction support stint in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico with no better way to pass the down time than watching bootleg movies and reading blogs and waiting for the iPhone sales countdown timer, and nothing to spend money on except poker losses. A few weeks later when it arrived, I stayed up all night playing with it, and had to take the next morning off.

The first thing that went wrong with the iPhone started happening after I’d had it about a month. While browsing the internet or whatever, it would just boot you back to the home screen, but that seemed to stop after the first firmware update. Also for some reason they messed up the headphone jack so sometimes when you pulled the headphone plug out, it wouldn’t realize and the regular phone speaker would appear to be dead when in call mode. Then after a few more months it would occasionally lock up and it would need to be rebooted. This was when my enthusiasm for the iPhone started to wane. Crashing is a perfectly acceptable and normal phenomenon for any computer, but when you take your phone out of your pocket and are in dire need of making a call, your phone needs to make the call and having to restart your phone is simply unacceptable. Apple then updated the firmware again which not only seemed to solve that problem (except in one bar where it would always crash.) They also added a few new features which in retrospect should have been there from the get go (multiple recipient text messages? That’s fucking genius! Being able to move the buttons on the home screen? Take that Blackberry!) I thought that the new updates were cool for about a week or so until I noticed that there was about a half inch strip at the top of the screen that no longer responded to touch. Now, to be fair, I must say that the deadening of the screen happened somewhere in the two weeks before Mardi Gras, and it’s a chore to keep your phone for those two weeks to say nothing of keeping it out of harms way. Regardless, I was able to go online and find others who reported not only the same problem but even the same area of the touch screen.

At this point I called customer service and they were very helpful and sent me a box to return the phone in so they could check it out. They returned it unfixed because of a faint dimple where the case I use has a metal snap. I pleaded my case to customer service stating that the dent was the result of normal use and not a drop nor had the phone been misused, and was told to take pictures of the case and phone and they’d think about it. I put off doing so because I’m kind of a lazy person and I had figured out how to squeeze the most out of the phone without that top say 25% of the screen.

Yesterday I woke up and attempted to make a call only to find that where the phone normally says how many service bars it was registering none. Worried that I may have forgotten to pay my cell phone bill, I popped out the SIM card and put it into my old phone (the one with the broken screen that my iPhone-spoiled fingers can no longer type blind text messages on) which worked fine allowing to make calls from the very same location that the iPhone reported no service.

I promptly took the pictures that the customer service guy requested and am currently getting all the venom out so I can send them to him with an accompanying email that is as polite as possible.

In an unrelated story, I locked myself out of my apartment the other day and had to break in by busting a window and unlocking it, then crawling through. At some point in the process, unfortunately, someone called the cops on me. Maybe it was the guy who walked by me, to whom I commented: “You know, it turns out these apartments are wicked hard to break into.” Or, maybe it was someone else. Anyways, the cops rolled up three deep as I was sweeping up the broken glass, and asked only to briefly see my ID. I’m almost positive that if I had been doing anything other than sweeping glass when they showed up they would have run my ID through the computer, the results of which would be interesting to me and possibly them. Yesterday I saw a black seventeen year-old who got sent through the computer and then (illegally) searched for no reason in the middle of Canal St. In a few months he's naming his first daughter Justice. I hope he keeps his optimism almost as much as I hope Justice lives in a better world than he does, but I doubt both very much.

Saints Update

So over the weekend the Vilma trade was finalized for a conditional 3rd/4th rounder in '09. Conditional meaning that if he reaches certain (undisclosed) performance benchmarks, the Jets get the 3rd round pick but if he doesn't they get the 4th.

Also signed was Patriot's corner Asante Samuel Randall Gay. Any day now NFL.com will take "Gay" off the list of things you aren't allowed to get on the back of a customized Saints jersey. Saint's GM Mickey Loomis: "Randall is a player we targeted early on in this free-agent market, and we're extremely pleased to have him on board." Which I'm pretty sure is exactly the same as what he said about Jason David this time a year ago.

The Saint's re-signed Aaron Stecker, who will back up the dynamic but injury prone duo of Deuce McAllister and Reggie Bush. This is a good move, as most teams would be lucky to have Stecker as a 2nd string HB. Add in sophomore Pierre Thomas and stud fullback Mike Karney and you have a backfield capable of 2000/1000 yards rushing/recieving.

Another big time signing is Bobby McCray now formerly a Jaguar. McCray is one of what I like to call "Florida Freaks." Florida Freaks go to different ACC and SEC schools in Florida and elsewhere, sometimes you see them on Big 12 or Pac 10 teams, but they're generally around 6'-6" and 260lbs and can do standing backflips. Jevon Kearse is the prototype Florida Freak, at 6'-4" 265lbs, the story goes he went in to Titans training camp and they wanted to test his vertical leap, they told him to jump up and reach as high as he could on the measuring stick, and he replied "You sure?" Kearse then put his hand through the ceiling.