Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts

Monday, December 10, 2007

Three Stories My Parole Officer Would Not Find Amusing

So if you take a look at the comment that was left in the last post, you may not understand, but I’ll translate as much as I can. Basically it says:
Hi, you may not remember me but my name may or may not be Missy. Last night you jumped into my car and forced me to give you a ride to Mae’s where, judging by your condition, you had absolutely no business going. You did however feel bad for hijacking me, so you gave me twenty dollars which I spent on beignets and coffee and It was delicious.

p.s. At some point in the drive you told me about your blog and even convinced me that I should look at it and leave you a note.


To further clarify, I was at a Robert Earl Keen show, after going to an event sponsored by the local microbrewery that involved $1, 16oz, I.P.A.s that I drank about ten of, then went to the show and started drinking redbull-vodka, then, after the show, hitch/jacked a ride to a bar that serves well cocktails for $1, and somewhere in between I stopped remembering stuff.

Thank GOD I didn’t drive to the pub crawl initially.


Saturday was a tough one, even my patented hangover cure, which involves two ten minute walks, bacon, and as much Ice Tea as a man can possibly drink, did not make me feel any better. So, rather ingeniously I think, I came up with a plan to cure what ale-ed me (get it?). I would go to a place that's so loud, you're required to wear hearing protection. I called my buddy who has a gorgeous .357 magnum revolver and took my Browning Hi-Power to the local indoor pistol range. I can put 10 out of thirteen shots through the same hole with that Hi-Power, I love that gun. Afterwards we went to a nearby BBBQ (the extra B is for bbombdiggity) joint (you have to say BBQ JOINT I'm told, restaurant is unacceptable.)


Sunday I drank from noon until about 9pm. The Patriots are sooooo good, but you know who's better? Me, at fantasy football.

Monday, October 29, 2007

So this past weekend I randomly made a joke about having a blog and several people suggested I start one. For no better reason then that I’m that easily influenced, here I go again. I, for the record, do not expect this to last very long, but hey, its something to do. Anyways I think I’ll start by giving you something to do, because there’s so little going on here, here’s a list of my typical internet rounds (other than email and facebook):

Deadspin.com (Also fairandfoul.blogs.nytimes.com)

Kissmesuzy.blogspot.com

Gawker.com (and the rest of the Gawker e-empire:)

Jalopnik.com

Consumerist.com

Gizmodo.com

Kotaku.com

Lifehacker.com

freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com

loljocks.blogspot.com (I’ve made a few of these myself and will post them when I figure out how)

icanhascheezburger.com

That should keep you busy while I come up with some material.

Today’s asshole award goes to the Alex Rodriguez and his agent Scott Boras for ruining half of the eighth inning of last night’s World Series clinching game 4. Boras being the ultimate salesman (by which I mean douche), called one of the game’s reporters at one of the more tense moments of a pretty un-tense series to let him (and through him the viewing public, at least a solid third of which rates somewhere between “couldn’t give a fuck about” and “absolutely detests” on both the Yankees and Gay-Rod scale) know that his client (and his own wallet) would be opting out of the last two years of what remains the biggest baseball contract ever signed ($27.7M this year), and his RBI’s and home runs would be going shopping (or whatever the opposite of shopping is) for even more money next year. Who would want to play for the Yankees anyway right? And on that note, I’ll leave you with this one:

Dear Theo Epstein,

You probably don’t know me but unless you want to win my un-coveted award please give Mike Lowell a contract that will make him a happy man. I know the idea of A-Rod hitting after Papi and Manny is enough to make one’s dick move, but A) He’s a douche and I don’t like him, and B) He’s a douche with clubhouse-cancer potential. When I saw Rice-K (DTW 2007) with the bubblegum on his head I almost cried, chemistry is so important in baseball, and you can’t buy that shit with Kraft money, let alone Henry money.

Yrs Trly,

Spud Randall (Pornstar)