I mean, Hidalgo?

So, I'm not sure who died and made Viggo Mortensen the go-to bad ass, but when Cronenberg shows me someone's penis, I usually investigate. Cronenberg was of course the director who brought us the first Crash, that is to say the one where they get turned on by car wrecks, not the one where Thandie Newton gets in a car wreck only to be saved by the same cop who had molseted her while, at the same time, her husband is saving Ludacris from a life of crime. I don't recall if we get shown David Spader's penis in that movie, but if you can find someone who would describe David Spader as a bad ass, I'll show you someone who LOVES quiche. Cronenberg's two most recent films are of course, A History of Violence, which of course was sweet, and Eastern Promises which I just finished watching (on a now defunct technological format I might add, there are people who still rent VHS tapes and my HD DVD player is gone the way of Beta? Fuck That. Actually I'm ok with it I was planning on buying a PS3 anyway, and I just got like 10 HD DVDs for like $10 a piece so I guess I'm not really complaining.)

The oldest movie I can remember seeing Viggo in was Carlito's Way, where he turns in a small but convincing roll as a wellchair-bound convict out of jail to get dirt on Carlito. Then of course is his his role as WEAPS, the unsung hero of Crimson Tide, which come to think of it, is in a lot of ways, Enemy of the State but in a submarine (both are Tony Scott's and star Gene Hackman opposite a big budget black actor, other than that it's just a joke.) Then, a few projects later he was in G.I. Jane where I think he was the bad guy, but I couldn't say for sure, I only saw it once and I'm assuming because I don't think there were really any good guys; whatever.

From SEAL to Ranger (you like that?) Mortensen's next big role was Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings. Unrelatedly, the Tolkein family is still waiting for their roalty checks, true story. Peter Jackson just got paid for that shit like yesterday.

I guess, doing the Rings caught the attention of Cronenberg because I highly doubt he saw Hidalgo and was like: "Yes! This is exaclty who I'm looking for to realize the Bad Assness missing from these two awesome projects I'm developing."

Nope I got it right

Two Spike Lee Joints in the top six (3 in the top 30) and two Kubricks in the top eight? Fuck to the yeah.
Two movies that star Leo? I don't care.
Bet you didn't notice three Baldwins in the top ten.
In the top 30:
Denzel - Thrice
Val Kilmer - Thrice
Milla Jovovich - Thrice
Nicky Katt - Thrice
Ben Affleck - Thrice
Gary Oldman - Twice (I've heard Sid and Nancy is supposed to be really good, it's in my queue)
Rosario Dawson - Twice
Robin Williams - Twice (Both titles start with the word Good)
Leo Dicaprio - Twice
Pete Postlethwaite - Twice
Natalie Portman - Twice (both pre-Amidala)
Jamie Kennedy - Twice
Robert Deniro - Twice
Kevin Pollack - Twice
Matt Damon - Twice
(I really wanted to find someone who was in there more than Ben Affleck, but I couldn't)

Surprisingly lacking in Quentin Tarantino you say? That's because he does nothing but rip other people off, when he's not desparately trying to suck his own dick. And I think he might have written True Romance, and he directed part of Sin City, probably the part with Bruce Willis, because Tarantino can't find more than 10 actors he likes. The origins of O-Ren Ishii is badass, but that's a cartoon, and cartoons are going to get their own post.

Top 10 Movies of All Time

I've talked about this a lot but here is a 1st whack at my top 10:
1. He Got Game
2. Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
3. The Usual Suspects
4. The Departed
5. Cool Hand Luke
6. 25th Hour
7. William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet (w. Leo and Claire)
8. Full Metal Jacket
9. School of Rock
10. Thank You For Smoking

Honorable Mentions (11-30):(alphabetically to keep from having to try to order them) Black Snake Moan, Blues Brothers, Boiler Room, Casino, Dazed and Confused, Fifth Element, Good Morning Vietnam, Good Will Hunting, Heat, Inside Man, Kung Fu Hustle, Laurel Canyon, The Matrix, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Professional, Princess Bride, Remember the Titans, The Rock, The Science of Sleep, Tombstone, Top Gun

Honorable Mentions to the Honorable Mentions: Fargo, Lebowski, and No Country, Rushmore, Tannenbaums, and Life Aquatic, Crash, Lock Stock and Snatch, Clockwork Orange and Lolita, Anchorman, Ace Ventura, Super Troopers, Austin Powers, GoodFellas, Godfathers I & II, Carlito's Way, Spun, Trainspotting, Basketball Diaries, 12 Monkeys, 300 and Sin City, Airheads, Happy Gilmore, Empire Records, Face/Off, A Few Good Men, Mallrats, Mars Attacks, Miracle, Maverick, PCU, Party Girl, Payback, Pelican Brief, Ronin, Rounders, A Scanner Darkly, Bad News Bears, Scent of a Woman, The Score, The Shining, Silence of the Lambs, Slapshot, The Sting, Sneakers, The Three Musketeers (Sheen, Keifer, and Platt), Trading Places, True Romance, White Men Can't Jump, Wonderboys, Wild at Heart.

Movies I haven't Seen Yet that Have the Potential to Horn in: In the Valley of Elah, Eastern Promises, Be Kind Rewind, 3:10 to Yuma, Gone Baby Gone