Discussing the Merits of Terrible Movies

You may notice the poll to the right has changed to something a little more relevant to today’s topic of discussion. I chose “No” but in the interest of full disclosure must admit to having seen Broken Arrow somewhere on the order of ten times, maybe even fifteen.

For those unfamiliar with the film, allow be to briefly synopsize (or you could just watch this video and get dared by me not to laugh). Two Air Force pilots are out on a training mission in a new top secret bomber over Utah. They are carrying nuclear tipped missiles for whatever reason. One of the pilots (Travolta), in turns out, is in cahoots with some terrorists and he steals the missiles, crashes the plane, and thinks he’s killed the other pilot (Slater) but hasn’t, and he (Slater) tracks him down and saves the day, with the help of a comely park ranger (Samantha Mathis, whose name sounds more familiar (oh, not Samantha Morton) than it should considering her only other role of note is as the voice of Crysta the fairy in Fern Gully the Last Rainforest, although to be fair she did play princess Daisy in the Super Mario Bros. movie alongside Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper, lol.) Rounding out the supporting cast is some allstar talent: Delroy Lindo (who I was suprisingly unable to find a picture of wearing COOGI, but this will go), Bob Gunton (“I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.”), Frank Whaley (says what again, gets shot), Howie Long (Son Chris Long will be a top 5 pick in next week’s NFL draft, thanks HGH), Vondie Curtis-Hall (Plays “Captain Prince” in Baz Luhrman’s Romeo+Juliet), Shaun Toub (plays the shop owner who shoots the little girl in Crash), Daniel Von Bargen (Got caught fucking his cousin in ’72), James MacDonald (if you haven’t seen Tigerland, you should), French Stewart (Spokesman for Clamato, presumably because they’re both weird and slightly nauseating?) and Kurtwood Smith (Red Foreman).

So in the course of arguing whether Broken Arrow is a good movie or not, I kept trying (and daring others) to come up with a good quote from the movie. Despite my certainty that a movie starring John Travolta and Christian Slater would have some awesome one-liners, and other’s certainty that they could think of one, no one was able to come up with so much as a character name. (This including a friend who can name like 15 actors from the movie Heat off the top of his head, not that that’s hard, Pacino, De Niro, Kilmer, Judd, Brenneman, Portman, Azaria, Voight, Sizemore, Trejo, Fitchner, Tone Loc, the President from 24, how many is that?) However, in case you’re like me and crave quotes from terrible movies:

Slater: You know - these exercises are fantastic. When the day comes we have to go to war against Utah, we're really going to kick ass, y'know?


Travolta: I do appreciate the money that you and your associates have invested in this operation, but it IS an operation. It's a military operation. And you don't know dick about that.


Travolta: Battle is a highly fluid situation. You plan on your contingencies, and I have. You keep your initiatives, and I will. One thing you don't do is share command. It's never a good idea.


Slater: You're out of your mind.
Travolta: Yeah. Ain't it cool?


Brett from Pulp Fiction: I don't know what's scarier, losing a nuclear weapon or that it happens so often there's actually a term for it.


Mathis: Clyde, what exactly does a suspicious truck look like?


Slater: Endangered dirt. That's a new one.


Travolta: Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons?


Gunton: It's still my money.
Travolta: And if we succeed, you and your associates will get a ton of it.
Gunton: *IF* we're successful?
Travolta: Look, Mr. Pritchett, I will deliver the weapons to the destination. But I can't depend and I can't guarantee that those assholes in Washington won't do something stupid like... not pay.
Gunton: What if they don't?
Travolta: Well, if they don't, the southwest will be a quiet neighbourhood for... about ten thousand years.


Guy from Crash: You probably thought I was a computer nerd, didn't ya? Ha-ha-ha, wrong! I was a Navy SEAL, lady. You really should see what I can do... with just my thumb.


Travolta: You know, Hale, I considered asking you to come in on this. Know why I didn't?
Slater: Because I would have said "no"?
Travolta: Nah, if you had said no, I'd have just killed you. I was afraid you were going to say yes. Because you don't have the balls to go through with something like this, we both know that.


[last lines]
Mathis: You know you're still under arrest, Captain.
Slater: [holding Terry's hand] Well, looks like you're gonna have to take me in.