I hate that its is spelled without its apostrophe (I'm only a little amazed I spelled apostrophe correctly, its phonetic in french.) I would like very much for someone to give me a grammatical situation where saying "It's (hat/balls/hooters calender/computer/total station/lamp/whatever)" would be confusing, the clarity of the word's purpose being the only real reason for the loss of its's (yeah that's right, I said its's or would it be its', no that'd be like itses' or itss') apostrophe.
Of course I was taught at a young age like the rest of you the difference between its and it's and my opinion of the situation hasn't changed any since then, so I never committed to memory which one was which, I was to busy memorizing multiplication tables and the Gettysburg Address. At some point I learned to multiply in my head, but I'm convinced that there is no legitimate reason for differentiating between its and it's, and furthermore, there is no good logic (read way to remember) as to which is which. I'm thoroughly convinced that some obsessive compulsive grammarian one day just decided which one would sacrifices its apostrophe.
Anyways, my asshole of the day award goes to all you people who think its funny that I dont know the difference, and feel superior because you do. I'm a little dyslexic ok? My computer has learned to auto replace nessacary with necessary. Thanks to spell check I never had to learn that one. I got at least 3 papers back in high school with the word fallow underlined with a question mark next to it (fallow is a real word hence not caught by spell check as a misspelling of follow,) whatever, I know how to figure out how much water slows down because of a bend in the pipe, so don't come around here talking to me about apostrophes.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
White Collar Guide To Eating in Metairie
With nothing to write about I’m sitting staring at my Hooters calendar (autographed by the lovely and good-at-calendar-selling Melissa of the Pensacola Hooters) it struck me that a fun topic which I know a lot about is eating lunch in
My father, a long time state-wide-traveling employee of the State of Vermont, often talked about writing a definitive guide to the doughnut shops of Vermont, not because he thought he knew them all, but because he thought a book called “A State Employee’s Guide to the Coffee Shops of Vermont” would be a good seller at least among his co-workers, if not with tourists that flock to Vermont every year in the fall and winter from places like Connecticut and worse (I’m looking at you New Jersey.)
Now I do not claim to be an expert on
Anyways, off we go(!):
Drago’s (Fat City) – Can’t be beat. Chargrilleds (oysters) are one of a kind. I could eat four dozen, run around the block and then eat four more. Then I’d eat a salad, probably with fried oysters on top. Only downside, too slow and expensive for working lunch, best for business lunch (i.e. invoice that shit) or payday. 10 Foodgasms.
Taqueria
Crazy Johnnies (Fat City) –This Fat City bar/steak joint serves a fillet mignon po-boy that is fucking out of this world (and its like 8 bucks.) I’ve never even tried anything else on their menu, but it doesn’t even matter. 9 Foodgasms.
Whole Foods (Vets) – You’ve been there, they’re all the same, good salad/food bar, pizza, sandwiches, variety is the something something… 7 Foodgasms.
The Mall (Vets) – There is a strong contingent of my co-workers that eats lunch at the mall every day. I’m not sure what that’s all about, but it is good if you’re into people watching (not so much now that summer’s over.) 6.5 Foodgasms if for no better reason than the fact that its like 10 different restaurants in one.
Café Roma (Causeway) – Strong sandwiches, decent pizza, mediocre service. 5 Foodgasms.
Little
Quizno’s/ Subway/ Taco
Oki Nago (Arnault?) – Several of my coworkers love this spot, I’m not such a big fan and let me tell you why. 1) Their sushi (its like a Chinese buffet but with more emphasis on sushi) often tastes like its been left out for at least 12hrs. 2) Even when its fresh its only C+ tops. 3) There should never be any mayonnaise used when preparing sushi, I don’t know where that came from or who thought it up, but I’m pretty sure the Japanese never used mayonnaise. 4) What kind of buffet, oriental or otherwise, has no pudding? 5) $15 for all you can eat sushi sounds like a good deal. One of the first things you learn in economics is that there is no such thing as a good deal, if it was possible to eat more than $15 worth of sushi there, they’d be out of business. 6) Fucking mayonnaise roll, I’m serious, I thought it was cream cheese. 7) It doesn’t bother me if a place serves Pepsi products, but when I ask for a refill and I say coke, I mean cola, I just finished drinking it sweetheart, its not like I’m going to change my mind. Only upside, they have that bean pocket sushi my grandma serves sometime, I forget what its called. 1.5 Foodgasms.
Spitale’s – I understand that dressed includes mayonnaise, sometimes I forget to tell people that, but is it ever necessary to apply mayonnaise by the handful? Also, have you ever ordered a chicken parm sandwich and wanted it dressed? Have you ever ordered a chicken parm sandwich and been asked if you wanted it dressed, said no, and received a dressed chicken parm sandwich? Spitale sounds Italian right? Has an Italian person ever put mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and pickles on a chicken parm sandwich? 1.5 Foodgasms ( This would be zero, but the chicken parm sandwich is really good. If you couldn't tell, they are very ON my shit list, becuase that one time they dressed it, the marinara on one side of the chicken and the mayo on the other side caused the breast to squirt out, bounce of my shirt and land in my lap. I was so furious/food covered I just took the afternoon off.)
Monday, October 29, 2007
So this past weekend I randomly made a joke about having a blog and several people suggested I start one. For no better reason then that I’m that easily influenced, here I go again. I, for the record, do not expect this to last very long, but hey, its something to do. Anyways I think I’ll start by giving you something to do, because there’s so little going on here, here’s a list of my typical internet rounds (other than email and facebook):
Deadspin.com (Also fairandfoul.blogs.nytimes.com)
Gawker.com (and the rest of the Gawker e-empire:)
freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com
loljocks.blogspot.com (I’ve made a few of these myself and will post them when I figure out how)
That should keep you busy while I come up with some material.
Today’s asshole award goes to the Alex Rodriguez and his agent Scott Boras for ruining half of the eighth inning of last night’s World Series clinching game 4. Boras being the ultimate salesman (by which I mean douche), called one of the game’s reporters at one of the more tense moments of a pretty un-tense series to let him (and through him the viewing public, at least a solid third of which rates somewhere between “couldn’t give a fuck about” and “absolutely detests” on both the Yankees and Gay-Rod scale) know that his client (and his own wallet) would be opting out of the last two years of what remains the biggest baseball contract ever signed ($27.7M this year), and his RBI’s and home runs would be going shopping (or whatever the opposite of shopping is) for even more money next year. Who would want to play for the Yankees anyway right? And on that note, I’ll leave you with this one:
Dear Theo Epstein,
You probably don’t know me but unless you want to win my un-coveted award please give Mike Lowell a contract that will make him a happy man. I know the idea of A-Rod hitting after Papi and Manny is enough to make one’s dick move, but A) He’s a douche and I don’t like him, and B) He’s a douche with clubhouse-cancer potential. When I saw Rice-K (DTW 2007) with the bubblegum on his head I almost cried, chemistry is so important in baseball, and you can’t buy that shit with Kraft money, let alone Henry money.
Yrs Trly,
Spud Randall (Pornstar)
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