Getting the Seamen Joke Out of the Way Early

I don’t know if everyone’s aware of this, but if you type in a day (i.e. December 5, 25^th etc) at Wikipedia, it will tell you all the famous people who were born/died on that day, and any historic type event that happened. This Friday is December 7^th (the 66^th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor and) the day before December 8^th, when FDR pronounced the 7^th infamy day, or something like that. The Japanese attack that day should not be cheapened by my bad jokes, or anything else for that matter, it was a vicious sneak attack by a country with whom we were not at war, comparable only to whatever the date was that those planes hit the WTC (again cheap jokes mean no disrespect.)

Odds are, 1 out of every 365.25 people you walk by on the street was born on any given day, except February 29^th in which case the odds are 1/1461. There are three ways a parent could handle a leap-child (besides abstinence around Memorial Day/ Victoria Day if you’re Canadian.) The two easy and obvious ones would be to celebrate on either the 28^th or the first of Feb/Mar. The third option, and I think the best, would be to say:

Look kid, life ain’t fair, you better get used to it now. Bobby gets a birthday every year and you don’t, what are you going to do about it? Cry? Oh, really? You’re gonna cry? (Just kidding unborn kids, I would never say ain’t, my children will have impeccable grammar, usage, and mechanics like Daddy or else they will peel potatoes or run laps.)

That would teach them one of the most important life lessons before they turn four, and make them hard, the better to deal with other disappointments. And, you just make it up to them with more Christmas presents, teaching the other annual-birthday-celebrating offspring a lesson in the process.

I have no idea how to segue that train of thought back into stuff-wikipedia-says-happened-on-Dec7^th-besides-Pearl Harbor but this sentence will have to suffice. Anyway, did you know:

• In 1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the US Constitution on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1917 the US officially entered The Great War (That’s what they called WWI back in the day) on Dec. 7th?

• In 1928 writer Noam Chomsky was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1932 actress Ellen Burstyn was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1947 baseball player Johnny Bench was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1949 singer Tom Waits was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1956 basketball player Larry Bird was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1970 cartoonist Rube Goldberg passed away on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1971 pornstar Chasey Lain was born on Dec. 7^th? ed. note: who?

• In 1972 Apollo 17 astronauts took this photo on Dec. 7th?

• In 1973 football player Terrell Owens (infamy indeed) was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1976 football player Alan Faneca was born on Dec. 7^th?

• In 1983 baseball player Fousto “no, my name is cooler” Carmona was born on Dec. 7^th?

That’s just the highlights, millions of people who’s name I don’t recognize, even some whose name I would, but only because they share names with people who’s name I recognize, were born or passed on December 7^th including all the seamen who woke up on December 7^th 66 years ago in Hawaii and never saw December 8^th.