IMDB = Relaxing Saturday Afternoon

I had so much fun with that last one, I’m going to do it again. This time though, I’m going to talk about an old movie rather than a new one. This story starts with a movie I watched hen I was a little kid, not that little, lets say… nine years old. I liked it so much, that I used the old VCR that couldn’t play but could record, to tape the rented tape, so that I could watch it over and over (which I did) and memorize the songs (I still know them.)

So when I moved into my apartment, I decided I wasn’t going to get cable. It was just too expensive, and I don’t watch enough TV for it to be even remotely worth it (I did however end up getting bunny ears, mostly so I could watch college football when I woke up all hungover on Saturday mornings/afternoons.) I do however love movies, at my old house we had full bore cable, with HBO and DVR and even IFC (Independent Films Channel, which rocks.) So I went to the local record store/headshop and bought roughly 25 used DVDs. I bring them up to the counter, and get long looks from the two kids working the register. They start taking the theft-o-bracket things off each one, one by one, and a couple times the dude gives an approving nod. When the girl picks up The Way of the Gun, she goes “Ah, I didn’t know we had this…” and gives me a look like I’m supposed to say I don’t really want it, but that’s not what this story is about. A few theft-o-brackets later the dude picks up Newsies, doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move his head, but looks briefly up at me under the brim of his hat. I pretend I don’t see him, and keeps going. Anyway, I got like 25 DVDs for like $100 because they have this buy 2 get 1 free deal.

So yeah, I just decided, not moments ago, to write about Newsies. I just decided, not moments ago, to write about a Disney kid’s musical. But its not like anyone is reading this, so in the words of the venerable rap duo Capone n’ Noreaga, What? Say Something.

Anyways, if you had kids you’d probably know that the musical sensation that’s sweeping the nation is “High School Musical.” (Interesting tidbit that may only be interesting to me, when I registered MS word, I put “School of Hard Knocks” as my “Organization,” I only mention this now, because if I type school, it comes up as an autofill.) Who could’ve guessed that High School Musical would be such a success (as was HSM II and they’re currently making III) ? I could, and I’ll tell you why. All three of the HSM movies are directed by the one and only Kenny Ortega. What was Kenny Ortega’s first feature length project as director you (probably don’t need to) ask, Newsies.

Did you know Cristian Bale won the 2006 Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films (Saturn, but I prefer ASFFHFie) Award? I bet you didn’t, but I bet I didn’t to tell you that Newsies was Bale’s first musical. Even more interesting than the ASFFHFie for Batman, Bale actually had an Award (Best Juvenille Actor, National Board of Review) created for his performance in Spielberg’s Empire of the Sun. They created it because they gave best actor to Michael Douglass for his turn as Gordon “Lunch is for Wimps” Gecko in Wall Street (best supporting that year went to Sean Connery for Jim “just like a wop, bringing a knife to a gun fight” Malone in The Untouchables, he says that line right before Frank Nitti, played by Billy “I’m too freaky looking to be in anything but horror movies” Drago, mows him down with a tommy gun, or “Chicago typewriter”. Another interesting fact that only I care about, the Thompson Sub-Machine Gun or “tommy gun” was invented in 1921 by John Thompson and originally sold to the US Postal Service to defend the mail. Also, the tommy gun is a blowback operated .45 ACP rifle that fires from the closed bolt. 86 years later, the most technologically advanced submachine gun, at least my favorite, is the H&K UMP, which fires the .45 ACP from the closed bolt using a blowback operated action. But I digress…) Bale plays Jack “Cowboy” Kelly, the leader of the newsies, and I hardly need to update you on his whereabouts/recent projects. They call him Cowboy, as far as I can tell, because he wears a cowboy hat and a bandana around his neck.

The so-called brains of Cowboy’s operation (far be it from me to accuse anyone of being racist, but I’m pretty sure he’s the token Jew) David Jacobs, is played by a fellow named David Moscow, who, as far as I can tell, hasn’t really had a legit acting job since. He was in the Jessica Alba fest called Honey which I (inexplicably) never saw, and a few other things I’ve never heard of, but it looks like his crowning achievement was getting engaged (and subsequently disengaged) to Kerry Washington, who has been cast a couple times as a token hot black chick (Mr. & Mrs. Smith) but appears to actually be a legit artist: “I try not to let my politics limit me artistically, and you know say like ‘well I can't do that because I don't ever want to play a black prostitute.’” She was Idi Amin’s second wife Kay in The Last King of Scotland.

The kid Jacobs brother is played by Luke Edwards, who was the lead in Little Big League, and opposite Fred Savage in The Wizard (you touched her chest?). If it wasn’t him, then I definitely saw someone who looked like him play Gavroche (eldest son of the Thenardiers, Eponine’s brother) in a Broadway Les Miserables (to which I also know all the songs.)

In the chorus are Max Casella (Sopranos, Bronx is Burning, Doogie Howser MD), Marty Belafsky (A Mighty Wind, Men in Black II, II episodes of Step-by-Step), Arvie “obviously not related to Rob” Lowe Jr. (Sister-Sisiter, Moesha), Aaron Lohr (Dean “Bash Brother #2" Portman from Mighty Ducks II&III, quack), Ivan Dudynsky (who’s hilarious name belies this tidbit from his bio: “He and other cast member of Roundhouse had pierced ears during the hip hop phase of the early 90's, but kept the piercings and grew their hair out for the grunge "renaissance" of the mid 90's.” Which IMDB bio I’d be willing to bet he wrote himself, in fact I’m going to link to it, because it’s pretty much pure gold.), Michael Goorjian (11 different TV shows I’ve never seen including a 45 episode stint on Party of Five, SLC Punk, Leaving Las Vegas), a couple other guys from Roundhouse, and a couple guys from Kids Incorporated (which I’ve only ever heard of because of Aguilara).

Ann (I’m old and have two first names, so I don’t need a last one) –Margaret plays the Newsies’ cheerleader, and Bill Pullman takes care of the father figure image. I’m all IMDB’d out, but I’ll leave you with my favorite Bill Pullman monologue:

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

Honestly, goosebumps every time.